I wouldn’t exactly label myself a control freak. True, I like things done a certain way (fine, MY way) and in my time. But it’s not like I fall apart if they don’t go according to my set schedule. I may get a little crabby, but I’m not completely unreasonable or unyielding. I’m just…regimented. =)
Sometimes, though, it would be nice to set the stage for a scene in my life and then dictate exactly how I want it to play out. And then…the scene actually unfolds the way I’ve imagined it.
This secret desire to exercise control over a situation – could this be why I enjoy writing so much? Ah, to be the master of someone ELSE’S destiny, since it’s abundantly clear that there is so much in my life that’s outside the scope of my influence. Maybe it’s therapeutic for me to seek refuge with my laptop after a particularly grueling episode of the nighttime bathing ritual, where nobody listens, the bathroom is soaked, sopping wet towels are strewn about and the counter and sink are trimmed in peppermint-flavored Crest. Yelling doesn’t help, threats are futile.
Perhaps I found a way to channel all of that pent-up frustration into something constructive. During those long dark moments, I remember that even though things don’t always play out according to my plans, I still have the power to dictate what’s going to happen next in the lives of my characters. And that’s definitely worth something.
It doesn’t completely make up for my lack of sanity, but it makes the constant struggle a little easier to bear. At the very least, the angst feeds my creativity.